How to tell an employee they smell (kindly)
Do it privately, briefly and soon: name the issue plainly and without judgment, say you're raising it so it doesn't become a bigger problem, and offer help. Most people are mortified for a minute and grateful afterward that it came from you and not the office rumor mill.
Lauren is a real coach. You're texting an AI trained on her coaching.
The moment
Two people have mentioned it to you. You've noticed it too. And you've spent a week finding reasons not to say anything, because there's no version of this conversation that doesn't feel awful.
Here's the thing: they'd almost certainly rather hear it from you, once, kindly, than keep wondering why the room goes quiet. Silence isn't kindness here.
Get these straight first
- Make sure it's a pattern. One rough day after a lunchtime run isn't.
- Keep it private and small. Just you, in a private space, ideally at the end of the day so they can head home after.
- Don't name who mentioned it. It's your observation as their manager.
- Remember the causes you can't see. Medical conditions, medications, religious or cultural practices, or money and housing pressures can all play a part. You don't need the reason, but be ready to offer help.
- Keep the script short. Three sentences, then let them respond.
The script
Do you have a minute? There's something a little awkward I want to mention, and I'd want someone to tell me if it were me.
Recently I've noticed a strong body odor at times during the day. People often aren't aware of it themselves.
If there's something going on, medical or otherwise, and there's anything we can do to help, I'm glad to. Either way, this stays between us.
If it's perfume, cologne or food
I want to mention something small. A few people near your desk are sensitive to strong scents, and [your perfume / lunches at your desk] can carry. Would you be open to [going lighter on it / eating in the kitchen]?
If they
| If they say | You can say |
|---|---|
| (Are embarrassed) | Please don't worry. It happens, and I'm glad I could tell you privately. |
| (Explain a medical or personal reason) | Thank you for telling me. Let's talk about what would help. (This may be an accommodation, so involve HR confidentially.) |
| (Get angry or deny it) | I understand this is uncomfortable. I'm not trying to embarrass you. I'm raising it so it doesn't affect how others work with you. |
| Who said something? | This is coming from me. I'd rather not get into who noticed what. |
Mistakes to skip
- Hinting. Leaving deodorant on their desk or sending a team-wide hygiene email is humiliating and rarely works.
- Telling them in public or by email.
- Assumptions or jokes about hygiene, culture or diet.
- Over-explaining. The longer the speech, the worse the cringe.
- Not following up if it continues. If nothing improves, have a second private conversation and involve HR in case support is needed.
After the conversation
Treat them exactly as before, starting tomorrow. Don't mention it again unless it continues. If a medical issue comes up, HR can help with confidential accommodations.
Prep it with Lauren
Here's what it looks like to rehearse this by text the night before. Lauren asks a couple of sharp questions, tightens your words, and checks in after.
two people told me someone on my team has BO. I have no idea how to bring that up without crushing him
oof, one of the most dreaded manager convos. and it's kinder to say it than to let the office whisper about it
keep it to three sentences. private room, end of day so he can head home after
what do I actually say
"There's something a little awkward I want to mention, and I'd want someone to tell me. I've noticed a strong body odor at times recently. If anything's going on that we can help with, I'm glad to, and this stays between us." then stop and let him respond
and if he's mortified
he probably will be for a minute. "please don't worry, I'm glad I could tell you privately." then treat him exactly like normal tomorrow
Three sentences, then stop.
Text Lauren the situation. She'll help you keep it short and kind, and rehearse it so you don't ramble.
Hi Lauren! I need to have an awkward conversation with an employee about body odor. Can you help?
Lauren is a real coach. You're texting an AI trained on her coaching. Your first week is free. Cancel anytime from your account or by texting Lauren.
Frequently asked questions
How do you tell an employee they have body odor?
Privately and briefly: name the issue plainly, say you're raising it so it doesn't become a bigger problem, and offer help. Avoid hints, jokes and group emails.
Should HR handle body odor conversations?
Usually the direct manager does it, because it's more private. Involve HR if there may be a medical or religious factor, or if the issue continues after you've talked.
What if the odor is caused by a medical condition?
Then the person may need an accommodation, like a flexible schedule or a different workspace. Respond with support and involve HR confidentially.
Can I tell an employee their perfume is too strong?
Yes, the same way: privately and briefly, focused on the effect on coworkers, with a specific request like going lighter on it.